Relationships, delay and consent
Healthy relationships
Relationships should be exciting, fun and safe. They should be based on respect, trust and good communication. In positive relationships both partners are comfortable with who they are with and they trust each other as both partners are loyal, kind and caring. Healthy relationships make you feel good, they’re about being with someone who you can be open and honest with.
Dating can be part of finding out who you are compatible with, what you want and equally what you don’t want.
Nobody can tell us who or why we like or even love, we just feel it and we can't help it. We are sometimes physically or emotionally attracted to some people, sometimes both. We just can't help the way we feel.
Unhealthy relationships
Sometimes partners can change in a relationship and they can start affecting us negatively. Partners in unhealthy relationships can threaten or bully you, this can happen emotionally, financially or physically, which can leave you feeling confused and afraid. Your partner might get angry or aggressive or they might get jealous and stop you seeing your friends and family. They might make you do things you don’t want to do. They might sometimes post horrible things about you online or send private pictures of you to other people.
This is not the positive relationship you deserve. If anything like this is happening to you; remember it's not your fault. Talk to someone that you trust and that cares for you.
You deserve better, because this is not right.
Sometimes it can be difficult to gauge whether the relationship we’re is healthy or not. Here is a helpful resource from BISH that can help you assess the relationships in your life. This can be used to communicate any weaknesses and highlight any strengths in current relationships.
You can get help and advice from:
Delay
Are you really ready to have sex? In a recent survey into sexual health behaviour, it's suggested the earlier people have sex, the greater likelihood that they regretted it later.
Delaying having sex, is about choice. You should be able to make decisions based on an informed choice and not be pressured into something you are not ready for.
It’s about being empowered and having the right skills and confidence to say what you really want or don’t want. You need to feel that you have made the right choice for you and not just because your friends or partner are pressuring you to do something, or the media is saying you should be doing it.
What is consent?
'Permission for something to happen or agreeing to do something.' Consensual sex means that everyone taking part has agreed to it and knows what is involved.
What is required for a person to be able to consent to sexual activity?
Full understanding - People need to KNOW what it is they are agreeing to
Time - People need to be given the time to fully assess what they are consenting to
Freedom - A person consenting needs to believe they have the freedom to say no if they want
Capacity - A person needs to have the mental capability of making a decision. This can be affected by drugs and alcohol
An ongoing process - Checking for consent is not a one-time occurance people engaged in sexual activity will have to continuously check-in for consent (this can be non-verbal by observing body language)
To give consent a person must understand what they are agreeing to and be able to give their consent freely. If a person is drunk, unconscious on drugs, feels scared or forced the consent they give or get doesn't count.
Consent has to be given each and every time time a person has sex and can be withdrawn at any point, every person has the right to say “NO" or “STOP” at any time.